Worst month ever?

So, I’m gonna level with you guys. There are so many clear and obvious reasons as to why I don’t post on here as much as I once did that it kind of doesn’t make any sense. I mean you ever have a period of time in your life where you feel like someone must truly be out to get you? I have. That time ladies and gentlemen is called June. This June has been such a fucking pain in my ass that if I were given the choice between repeating the month or a hot genital wax while  chewing prechewed gum, I’d truly take the latter 100 times over. Depression is not even remotely the word my good people. However, right now I am on a bit of a mountain,and I’m looking up thinking, “Is the only place that I can go now really up?”, “Am I being stupid for believing that I was ever anything moe than a man child born into this dog eat dog world to be…well eaten?” “What if I am truly just destined to fail?” All these thoughts and more are things that hopped, skipped and jumped across my mind, but after all of those questions, I am still left with one more. “Why the hell am I still here?”

After as much nonsense and pain, and all other sorts of uncomfortable words that I have gone through, Why in the world am I not dead yet? I thought about it and sort of had an angel devil moment with myself.

Angel- You’re not dead yet because you still have a purpose. You may not have a complete game plan for how you are going to get yourself together, but I am confident that you will very soon and you will execute it with ease.

Devil- Wasn’t that sweet? A little touching moment for you, something to cheer you up huh? Wait, wait, let me try, “When you wish upon a star, something bullshit something else” haha, sorry I can’t help myself. Really in all seriousness though, you’re beyond fucked my dude. Accept it.

Angel- Shut up Asshole!!(Yeah my angel is a bit different) Look, you may be going through some rough times right now, but you can handle it. Don’t let anyone tell you any different.

Devil- Yea, don’t let anyone tell you anything different. Even though there are way more people that would say that you are screwed.

Angel-But look at the lives of those people. They aren’t happy themselves. If you really look at it, you can definitely do this. Just think. You’re still alive. You. You Isaiah, you are still here. Just relax, and get your head together and I promise you will be alright.

Then they both just disappear. I can do this. I believe this now. I have no idea how, but somehow, I’m going to come out of this better than I ever have, and to those of you that doubt me, only the future will reveal my words to be true.

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Updates

So there may be a few of you wondering where I’ve been. Busy is the word. But let me just tell you what I’m going to talk to you about this weekend. I’m gonna give you guys a post entitled, “My top 5 favorite websites” These sites will be rated based on their responsiveness and aesthetics as well as their formation. I’ll go further into detail when I get back to you guys. However, have a great day and I’ll talk to you then.

What makes a good movie?

I’m 23 years old and in that time, I have seen a number of films. Why ? because as a human being I long for something that can break the monotony that is everyday life. Of course you work towards your goals and things that can change your current living situation but even so, a quick flick can make a person feel a lot better about where they are in life than previously. However my question is, what is it that makes a movie good? Is is the characters? the plot? maybe a little bit of both? Does it have to do with whether or not the characters lives are in any way similar to our own? I figured it’s a Sunday, I might as well take a look into it.

In the beginning as far as I was concerned all that it took to create a good movie was color, sorry baby boomers, a story and about an hour and a half or maybe two. I can even remember going to see the movie “Master of Disguise” as a kid and being like “holy hell mom that was hilarious.” Then I saw it again years down the line and went, “holy hell Mom, that thing was awful.” Now obviously it takes more than just age difference to create a good movie right? Because at the same time, I can go back and watch other movies that I saw as a kid and they will be just as funny or scary or whatever as they were then, now. Of course, that might be because of Nostalgic reasons. Now I would go into the craziness that is Nostalgia but I won’t and the only reason that I won’t is because of another factor that comes into play, in my generation specifically more than in my parents. That factor ladies and gents is jadedness.

Jaded. By definition its when you are now bored with things that used to give you pleasure specifically due to over exposure. Now that we have that in place lets get into how this might have happened over time using one movie genre specifically. Horror.In my parents day, the scariest movie that was ever seen was “The Exorcist”. At the time of its release, there were people that had to literally leave the theater in order to regain composure. They even had people vomiting due to how graphic the film was. My take on it after watching it today..meh. The crappiest horror movie today is at least twice as graphic as that film was, and as far as supernatural junk goes, that’s not enough to scare me. Mainly because.I’ve been seeing things much worse than that for the last 10 years of my life. I think that this same jadedness, transfers into other genres creating a patron that is just not going to be pleased with what he/she sees unless it is A-Mazing.

However, this still leaves out what makes a film good. I know that after watching a film I would like to feel kind of good about life. I know that I like when the film accomplishes a goal for me. So if its  horror movie, I expect to be scared at least 5 times. Or if it’s an adventure flick, I had better not be bored more than twice. Perhaps it’s just a personal thing, but if that’s true then for me, a good film has to take me away from where I am. I have to almost forget that I am even watching a film, if I remember it every now and agin thats fine, but If something happens that is too cliche or boring I will mention it as a thing  that happens in ” these kinds of movies”. I think that at the end of the day, a good film can only be good to a person if they are willing to let it be good. That is not to say that writers and directors are off of the hook though. You guys still suck at times!! However, I will now try and be a little less jaded to see if your movies are tolerable at least. Still, I’ll see you guys next time, have a great day.

Lazy Living…vs. Successful Habits

 

Where are you right now in your life? Is it where you wanted to be a few years ago? Maybe not? The answer varies for each of us. But what is it that actually creates success? Shit, the hell if I know. Jk folks, I think I have a slight idea. It’s the habits that we create for ourselves. Think about a time that you were particularly successful, not lucky, but truly successful, as in you set out to complete a goal and you actually accomplished that shit. What did you do differently during that time that you don’t do anymore? Do you still do those things? Well, I can’t speak for everyone, but I can definitely tell you about my own personal experiences with habit creation, success and failure.

Some dictionary defines a habit as

 a settled or regular tendency or practice.

I knew this for a number of years in theory, but would not actually put it into my life. When I wanted to get something done in my younger days, I would kind of sporadically do what I was supposed to do, a habit that I to this day still struggle with. However, let me explain. This was indeed still a habit, just a pretty bad one to have especially when you consider that in life those who live that way generally do not have a lot. I don’t see myself being one of those people, so I have had to tweak my own habits in a major way. Better habits form better results, better results = more happiness, more happiness creates a happier you. However, there is a an ancient evil enemy to good habits and its name is procrastination.

Let’s get a quick profile of that word shall we? What is procrastination? Is it eating what you want when you shouldn’t? Is it running away from your problems when you should tackle them? Masturbation or procrasturbation? Yes. Yes it is. However for those of you more reliant on the technical definition its defined as to delay or postpone action. There lies the problem, ACTION. Postponing ACTION. Being a human being I can say that I for one am most certainly guilty of letting the enemy win in a number if situations. Putting off what you can do today for tomorrow is so deeply enrooted in my psyche that for a very long time I believed that I would just not be able to do what I was supposed to. However, those feelings have changed to some degree. I am in the process of creating habits that will create a better, easier and more fullfilled life for myself and my loved ones.

Here’s the plan. 

Step 1. Goal Setting.Got to have goals. Here’s mine: Workout once every day. Write a post once Every day. Eat as well as I can…Every day. Practice my rhymes once a day.

Step 2. Implementing a means to get said goal(s). In my case, everything is pretty much cut and dry. I know how to complete them.

Step 3. Watch the fruits of my labor.

Just like that I’ll have these goals set up. What’s even better is, I’m creating great habits all while being held accountable by you guys. Im going to do this as a start for 1 week and keep it going for life. Let’s get started.

 

 

 

If I could talk…(An urgent message!!!!!)

If I could talk to the greats

What would I say?

Would they even listen? Would they look my way?

Maybe they’d take a glance and wonder what I was to say.

Or maybe they’d be ignorant of my presence. and turn away.

If I could talk to the greats.

Malcolm, Martin, Nat, Tubman, Sojourner and the like…

Would I be proud to tell them about my everyday life?

Would they nod in approval of my day to day strife?

My highs, my lows, my likes and dislikes?

And how nowadays its like/ this life is just for rich whites/ and guys my complexion trying to get white?

Stories of how they left the hood, and I’m just trying to get right.

How the great, great granddaughter of a slave in the seventh grade can openly say she gets pipe, while her mother gets piped, and father hits pipe proudly disappearing from the kids life?

It’s 2015, and the scheme of teens is trying to attract and keep fiends for financial means,

It’s 2015 and the green is the only thing that seems to remain seen and unseen, and I’ve seen enough fiends, families torn apart at the seams all so another human being can go buy a pair of 300 dollar jeans made for mere change in the Phillipines.

If I could talk to the greats!!

Would they feel the pain?

Would they see my generation and think that we changed? Were there efforts worth being slain?

Would they hear my opinions and think the same?

Would they listen if I tried to loudly exclaim and explain how the brains of my brothers and sisters have almost ceased to truly seek and create change?

Would they think I was playing?

Would they believe me if I told them that at times our progress is at a standstill, that we’d rather stand still, or go to a stand and steal, then stand for stills for Stans to steal only to stamp it as what happens when we stand, but still.

Would they tell us to live by the gun?

Would they believe that our rivers run with the same sight and sound as mike brown and pipe down when I write down that Emitt Till was not the last one?

Would they believe that we would rather make babies and play with Maury than go to school and write a story about how far we have come?

If I could talk to the greats!!

I wouldn’t tell them of our plight as of late.

That instead of living well we decorate prison cells, and serve as statistics for diabetes and sickle cell.

That sometimes it seems we couldn’t find change in a wishing well.

I would tell them to wish us well. That we wish them well.

That our wishes are well… wishing well.

I would tell them, that the same change Sam cooked is on its way.

Not that we kill each other every day. That we witness it and turn the other way and that our brothers hate when we hug and say that we love everyone especially our own.

I would tell them… that we’re on our way…home.

That the lives of Eric Garner and Freddie Gray, were not in vain. That we are capable of change. That we can be the best example since people copy us anyway.

If I could talk to the greats. I talk to them every day. I see them in the streets. I see them in the malls. I see them playing sports football to basketball.

I see them becoming lawyers and doctors and street pharmacist’s. I see them watching our new movement, and becoming a part of it.

I see them doing more than they ever could, though there’s much in the wood, and some of us are with no good, but the way gets clearer.

I see a great every day, when I look in the mirror.

God is love. Love yourself and others. We are not enemies, and will always be sisters and brothers.

Lead by example.

Yaas B@#!h…

You ever really stop to take a real good listen to what is being talked about around you? I have, so I feel like you probably have as well. If so then let me take this further. Have you heard the new version of hip hop? I’m not going to get into a huge schpeel about how the industry has changed and people are now only doing what they believe is right for their pockets. No, I don’t have enough time today to get started on that. However, I do have time to make a few small critiques. Why do you ask? Well as an avid hip hop fan I’m truly tired of having the questions that I am about to address just sit about in the air with no one to really answer them, so I’m going to take a crack at them. So here’s the first question.

Question: Do you feel that Hip Hop has changed over the years? For better or worse?

Answer: No Fudging Duh!!..What am I blind? Of course, the genre has changed and in more ways than one over the past decade. Now the hard part to answer is the second. I personally believe that It has done both kinds of change. For example, hip hop has never before included some of the things that we have today, for example addressing certain political issues like gay marriage and such. However in that same way hip hop has also never before housed certain kinds of artists and you and I both know that there are more than a few artists in the game today that truly could not have existed a few years ago. I.E Soulja boy etc. But anyway, moving on.

Question: Do you really share  the same ideas that the songs that you listen have ?

Answer: Yaas Bitch!!

Ok. Yes and no. For example, I do personally believe that these hoes ain’t loyal. Why? Probably because they’re ho’s. Isn’t a Ho only loyal to the pimp that last fed her?…and then subsequently beat the shit out of her? Alright in all seriousness you can’t really live the way that these songs depict people to be living and expect to have a whole lot of real friends, an idea which I am honestly pretty sure there are people out there perfectly fine with. However, I’m not one of them, only concerning certain ideas anyway. Why can’t I just be listening to the music? I don’t agree with the huge surplus, or even over saturation of the really negative stuff, but every now and again in my playlist I do like to have a little bit of nonsense. Because who the fudge wants to go through every single day listening to things that remind them of the struggles they’ve been dealing with? I swear sometimes these are questions that only hip hop fans get hit with. You know its not the only genre with bubba fuck fluff right? Pop is consistently fuckery and carries over some pretty Dumb ass messages too, but ok let’s move on to the next question.

Question: Do they really have to use the n-word?

Answer

Why is this a problem now? Honestly, it’s not a new word to the genre. By the way if the song playing says that and you are made to feel uncomfortable, you know you don’t have to listen right? However where I’m from in the U.S we can talk like this to a friend. Anyway…next.

Question: Do you miss the old Hip Hop?

Answer:

I do miss the way a lot of it had some kind of real message, something that many of the artists from today’s generation just seem to miss. However, if your favorite version of hip hop is like Will Smith, or the Sugarhill gang, please do us both a favor and miss me with that. That…stuff…sucked.

Really there are so many questions that I get that I really shouldn’t handle them all at this moment for fear of going crazy, but just enjoy this quick post for now. See you later folks, and as always have a Good Day.

Hello…

This is more of a quick recap and update than anything else. A few months back when I first started this blog I truly wasn’t sure of how I was going to use this. I thought that maybe I could just have a few people know about my life that aren’t directly involved. However as time went along I found myself losing interest in posting, and giving up most days on trying to create better content. I say that to say that those feelings have gone, and I need to keep folks informed. There’s a lot going on in my life, and there will continue to be, but…I will now let you all know as often as I possibly can. Tomorrow, we play a little game I like to call Catch up. See you soon.

Oh No You didn’t: The Top 3 Reasons you’re still there

Ever been somewhere that you have no real clue why you have been for so long? Not like, “It’s 3 am and I’m still out here waiting for this stupid bus.” No, no I mean a place in your life, that you almost let yourself forget that you had any kind of control over. A bad relationship? A worse Job? Whatever the situation, allow me to shed some light on why you are there and by the end, Good old Zeek can hit you with a few good ways that you might, just might be  able to get yourself out of the pickle in time to live your life again.

Reason Number 1. You felt as though you didn’t have any other options

Oooooo. I know that one probably struck a nerve in somebody just now, but let me explain. You see, as humans we crave very few things in this world, perhaps not in comparison to our other brethren from the animal kingdom, but in essence it’s a pretty small list. We want Happiness, whatever that means. We want to create families which is completely understandable, and there are a few hit or miss items that you may or may not have on your list of wants and needs. However, the third that I am going to mention is stability. We crave stability like it is nobody;s business. So much, so that many of us are willing to completely override all of our other feelings and desires just to have it. It’s the reason that Ms. Gets smacked continues to let Mr. Smack do her like a pinata. It’s also the reason that many of us will stay in jobs that we know very well we hate.  Don’t worry I won’t just be saying this stuff, I can hit you with some statistics as well, hell even I am a prime example.

I worked at McDonald’s for a period of my life. Now, did I do it out of necessity? If you would have asked me back when I did it, I would have told you time and time again that yes, it was because I had no “choice”. However this was in high school, you know what bills had to pay in high school? One, my  phone bill, and why? because i bought the phone for myself. I was in no way shape or form stuck. Now as a result of my not quitting for 3 years, and letting myself get to bed at the dumbest hours of the night for high school, I began to fall behind in class. This was not a fair exchange, my grades, something that would affect whether or not I would get into college, for a few measly Mcbucks at the moment was not smart. I’ll tell you later what I should have done.

Those Stats Tho

Let’s play some number games shall we?  Ok here are a few things to take into consideration.

  • 52.3 % of Americans are unhappy at work as of 2014 according to a study by he conference board, a new york based non-profit group.
  • A survey taken in 1987 reported that 61.1% of people liked their job. That’s a large percentage over where we are currently.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/susanadams/2014/06/20/most-americans-are-unhappy-at-work/

Reason Number 2. Maybe you could learn to love it?

Let me be clear. Very, Very clear. If this thought ever runs across your mind whether it’s in a job or relationship or anything else that is actually important to your happiness. Shut. Up. Don’t ever let that be something that you really feel you need to do. Doing the opposite is pretty much being a glutton for punishment. No one wants to spend a good part of their life learning to love something when they honestly already know what they should love. Case in point, any Maury episode Ever.

Reason Number 3. You’re too lazy to go find something else. 

Picture this. It’s 3 am. you have a job that pretty much guarantees that you will have to get up for these sorts of hours, but it’s not to go to something that you really want to even imagine yourself doing for your entire life. Honestly, you don’t want to do it today. Now the fix to this is so easy it doesn’t even make any sense, find another job. However, somehow days turned to weeks, weeks to months, etc. Epiphany, you finally apply to go somewhere else, and you get no response for what seems like an eternity. So?! Keep applying. No one is going to call you at random and ask that you come work for them, and if they do, you don’t need to read this post silly goose. You silly, lucky, goose.

So although I pretty much just gave you exactly what you should do in this kind of situation, let me reiterate. Leave, you can stay as long as you absolutely have to but please for the sake of your own life, leave. it’s not going to just up and get any better for you without you putting in the work to improve your own life, and at the end of the day, that’s all this is even about. Self-improvement.

Welcome Back, Welcome Back…

After what I am going to call the longest unnecessary hiatus from what a person naturally does, since Dave Chappelle, I am back ladies and germs, ready to relay all of the strange happenings in my life as of late, and maybe help someone in the process. So, lets get started.

I have been having some of the craziest days in my life lately. I’ve watched some people pass, I’ve lost a few people, made some new friends and all while managing to avoid wordpress, whether on purpose or not, I don’t know. In any case, this is merely an update post letting those who are reading my old posts and may be new to the blog, that I am indeed alive. The stories have to get started somewhere.

I’ll be posting something new as often as humanly possible for someone in my predicament, but I want them to be quality posts, as opposed to a glorified facebook status. So here’s the deal folks, I’ll catch you all back here very soon, but until then, ta ta for now.

Dude… Who’s the Baby?

So now that I have actually added photos of myself, I’m sure there are a number of readers that are a tad bit confused by what I had at the end of my most recent post.This my friends is what I like to call an explanation. So sit tight and I can make everything as clear as it needs to be. I’ll start from the very beginning.

Chance meeting

About 60 Billion years ago, alright let me serious, in the spring of 2013 I was working at a shoe store and was still trying to figure out a lot about where my life was going . To make this journey even worse, I had recently turned 21, and Alcohol was calling my name. I had it all planned out, I was going to have this party at my crib t o celebrate it coming in a little while after. So, as it were, my brain was not focused on much of the right stuff. Mostly, booze, broads, and how I could get out of where I was working. Around this same time, there was this girl, many girls, but specifically there was this one. She had recently gotten a job working at the same store and after a number of conversations, convo’s for all you cool kids, I kind of started to like this girl. Funny thing was, I had almost no idea how to go about it without making it awkward if she rejected me. Now, there was also another problem. I was 21, and she had just given birth barley two prior to a little girl.

Decisions, Decisions

I talked it out with myself and a few other people in regard to whether or not I should try and bag her. That sounds way worse than it actually is. Anyway, one day comes up and I find out about the situation with the father, who is now her ex- husband. “She was married”?!!! “You’re going to hell Isaiah”!!?? Relax, person I’ve never met, they were separated for a good minute. However, I still hadn’t told her how I felt and it was going on about a month. I was still talking to other girls, but I really wasn’t sure about how to get into the situation, I mean I had left some subtle hints with some questions before, but I didn’t go too far yet. Then the day of my party, she informs me that she is going to quit.

Like a Boss

My heart dropped into pants and I continued talking and she informed me that she was going to the back to tell our boss that that day would be her last as an employee there. I told her that when she returned I wanted to tell her something. She went to the back and I had an inner monolog that went something like this.

Viewer Discretion is Advised

“Look Pussy, get it together because she’s leaving today”!!

“So what? I don’t care. There’s plenty of other fish in the sea.”

“Yea, but I know you. You want the big fish, the one that you have inner monologues with yourself about.”

“This isn’t the time to joke self, she’s really leaving and I don’t want to let her go without telling her how I feel.”

“Well, this is a prime time to tell her Dickhead, she’s not going to be here anymore, so if she says no, there is no awkward few weeks or whatever where you see her and go, shit I should have kept it to myself.”

“You know what? You’re right. I’m doing it, besides, my party is tonight, if it doesn’t go well with her, I don’t give a fuck.”

*Hi fives self*

“So cool I’m finally going to do this.”

“Hey, does anyone else notice that she’s back now?”

“Shit.”

Moment of truth

She came back and said that she did it. I told her that I wanted to tell her something. I pulled her to the side and I told her that I wanted to date her, but in my strange frantic Zeek sort of way. To my surprise she asked me if I was going to take her number down. Ho-Lee-Shit.  That worked? That friggin worked?! I am a genius!! So, I had my party and that’s a story for another time entirely, but the next morning I woke up about an hour after I needed to be at work, only because I got to sleep about 2 hours prior, long story. I get a phone call from my boss and he wants to know where I am, so I rush out and get there in about 15. I lived really close thank god. I get to the front door open it and inside is the girl who’s number I got. She told me that she had changed her mind. This made my confusion a little less serious.

A Dope Friendship

After a while of dating her without others in the store being any the wiser, I met the baby. This happened  one day when I was in the aisles. This small, Hispanic woman walks in with a baby in a stroller, if you knew where I worked, you would understand exactly why this was not out of the ordinary. However, my job entailed that I greeted each customer and informed them of the sales that were happening at the time. I did not do this. I didn’t even say hello. I was so sick of the job that I kind of checked out already, I’m sure some of you have to know that feeling. I stayed exactly where I was and stared into space. Then the girl that I was talking to comes from the back and begins talking to the woman. I then realized that this was her mom, and the baby inside of the stroller was her daughter. I walked over as the other employees did, and saw this little face. She was just chilling. Some people began trying to talk to the baby, and I didn’t know what to do so I just made a face. She laughed immediately, and I’ve been making her laugh ever since.

Now

I have been with my girlfriend, Jessica for almost two years now, and I’ve been with the baby Natalie since she was 2 months. This experience has taught me a whole heck of a lot. I can’t wait to see what the future holds. Am I her blood father? No. Might I just be the guy her mom is with? Maybe. But if the way that her and her mother respond to me is any indication of what the future holds, She  may already be my daughter, and we’ll be just fine.

Conclusion 

Now that you guys have a little more information about me, feel free to drop a comment below, I’d love to hear from you, and as always be easy you guys, next up Photo time, I’ve been working on something with someone recently and I think you all are going to like it a lot.